Fidget Mortys
by HookahSocialism
Summary: Rick discovers the new fidget spinner craze.


RICK AND FIDGET SPINNERS.

Rick Sanchez is in his garage welding what appears to be a metal cube screaming as he torches it and all of a sudden Morty walks behind him and is twiddling a fidget spinner.

"Oh geez Rick! Why...why are you torturing that block of metal? I mean I know its a hunk of metal...but it is clearly in pain when you do that and..."

"Shove it Morty! This is (belch!) science! You're too soft Morty it..."

Rick takes off his welding helmet and looks at Morty.

"What the fuck is that thing?"

"Oh...oh this Rick? Its a..."

"It looks like a cheap fad mass produced in a third world country by child workers who only get pennies a day while some company is making a billion dollars selling it to shmucks like you. So basically Morty its a Steam sale."

"Its a fidget spinner Rick."

"You dont listen to a fucking word I say do you Morty? W..(belch) what even IS a fidget spinner Morty?!"

"Well Rick... you can have it spin on your finger like so... or put it on the tip of your finger, thats pretty fun. If you'rw really cool you can keep it spinning on your nose!"

"Wow... that's autistic."

"Oh geez Rick! You...you cant just go and denigrate and bunch of people with a very real and serious mental disorder Rick!"

"No I mean it sounds like this looks like the perfect device to market to brain dead liberal moms who think it will help their children with autism cope with those internal and external struggles of social alienation and emotional turmoils...

(belch) But also whoever made the damn thing was pretty autistic Morty... just saying."

"Y...you just hate fun Rick! You're a stick in the mud!"

"A stick in the mud Morty?"

"Yeah Rick, a stick in the mud!"

"I have a gun that can take us all around the universe...anywhere you want. Even amongst your normie concepts of technological advancement you have a console in there that can play in depth video games...and here you are Morty. Playing with a God damn top. Do you at least spin them at the kids at school and like...make them hit eachother and break?"

"What? No! Why would we do that Rick?"

"BECAUSE ITS FUN MORTY! Breaking shit and competing with kids over who can break shit better is fun!"

"I...I think you're thinking of something else Rick. like beyblades or something."

"That go get a beyblade Morty! G...(BELCH) get your best beyblade and ill make a beyblade out of this hunk of metal and we can battle them!"

The hunk of metal whimpers

"I miss my family..."

"Y...you're crazy Rick! A crazy old stick in the mud! I'm gonna go fidget spin somewhere else Rick! Im gonna go fidget spin over at the park!"

"Do that you little autist! Take your damn pog and go fidget spin till you like men!"

"I dont even know what a pog is!"

"Thats because your generation sucks Morty! Your generation sucks and somehow made beyblades worthless masturbation! You could be hitting up middleschoolers right now beating Chad in a beyblade match Morty!"

Rick puts back on the welding helmet.

"Little shit..."

He goes back to torching the living metal and hears it scream louder.

Later on at school during a class a teacher goes to explain something halfway educational how the American economy got out of the depression by industrial goods and services over the mass consumption of alcohol and theater in the roaring 30s and he looks back to see all the kids with fidget spinners.

Not much later he's in the principles office throwing a fit.

"These damn fidget spinners are worse than cellphones! Just ban them on school premise mr.principle!"

"What do I look like, some reddit admin? You can't ban all your problems away... besides. Don't you think I've tried? I've had parent conferences, school meetings, but those damn suburban moms are CONVINCED this toy helps children with autism, add, depression, scholiosis... I even heard it cures cancer!"

"You heard it cures cancer?"

"The wife...she likes Prison Planet."

"Oh."

"Anyway my hands are tied. The fidget spinners stay!"

Rick climbs out of the air vent.

"Maybe (belch!) I can help principle!"

"...How long have you been in there?"

"Long enough to know the weird sites you visit on the schools computer so you can't say no to my wild plan..."

"SIIIIGHHH ok mr uhh..."

"You fucking know who I am don't act coy."

"Yes Yes. I'm just trying to be formal about it. Your grandson has come to school irradiated and naked before. I almost lost my job cause of that one."

"Yeeeah good thing we have those (belch) teachers unions...Also I found this."

(Rick holds a dead racoon by the tail.)

"So you can stop blaming the lunch lady for smelling bad."

"Actually I was just about to tell you to pay her a visit...the kids love salusberry steak day."

Later that day as Morty is getting out of school he sees kids playing with what appears to be beyblades. All sorts of different colors and patterns, but they all spin really fast, clash against eachother and scream in pain as they do.

"OH GOD WHY?!"

"You children are monsters!"

"What purpose does such pain serve in evolution?!"

Morty squints his eyes

"I know Rick is behind this..."

"And behind you you fidgety little fidget spinning (belch!) beybastard!"

"Why Rick? Why you gotta uhhh come to my school Rick? Hand out screaming and scared beyblades to kids like some kind of messed up Santa Claus?!"

"Because Morty look around!"

As the beyblades scream and shatter kids are laughing, talking, some fat kid is actually making jokes too a pretty girl and making her laugh.

"Stupid fads shouldnt just be a way to bleed your dumbass parents out of money Morty! It...it should (belch) help you make friends! Socialize a little! You'll have enough time in your miserable life to sit in a corner and spin your fidget Morty! Grab some beyblades and let it Riiiiick!"

"Let it Rick? What...what even is that Rick? I...is that supposed to be a play on words or something? Cause its not. it...it sounds like something some late 90s or early 2000s cartoon would say to try and sound cool and..."

"Getting real tired of you being a stick in the mud Morty!"

"A stick in the mud Rick?"

"Yea Morty. A motherfucking (belch) millenial stick in the mud who doesnt even know how to make friends!"

Rick puts a beyblade on its spinning grind and launches it at Morty's ankle.

"Ow! Y...you cut me Rick!"

"Let it Riiiick!"

"Ow you did it again Rick! I...im gonna need a tetnius shot Rick! Im gonna get lockjaw cause of you!"

"Let it Riiiick!"


End file.
